I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
