Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
