Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
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