put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
