So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
