You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
