I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
