chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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