I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
