If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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