whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
