im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
