ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
