Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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