i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
