last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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