I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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