FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
