I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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