TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize