): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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