All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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