Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
