Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I lost the right to judge tonight
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
