So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
