just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
