Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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