U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
