I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you told grandpa to call you daddy
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize