you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
