Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Life is so much better after having sex.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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