You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
