Nicole vs. Life
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
