An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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