Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
