His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
