A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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