The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
