We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
