I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The best revenge is premature balding
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
