Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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