dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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