I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
