There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
