Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
