How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
pray to the hookup gods
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize