Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
