mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
