I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My bed smells like the plague
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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