I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
