Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
