Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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