I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
