evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Someone shit on the floor
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
