if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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