There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
