If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
