Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
