I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
