Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
