Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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