I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My orgasm happened in two different decades
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
