We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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