Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
