Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
