You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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