do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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