So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
