I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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