Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize