i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
