Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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