they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My penis needs a shock collar
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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