You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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