dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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