I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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