Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize