CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
