I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize