so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
