btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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