So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Randomize
