Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
