I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize