I saw his package. It spoke to me.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
