yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
