how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
