i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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