Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
