Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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